Family and Sacrifice

So while Daniel has been diligently blogging, I have not.  I honestly don't really know what to write.  I've started several blog posts but have never posted them.  Perhaps I am most afraid of how I will appear to the ouside world?

Right now life is very complicated.  There are just so many things going on.  Daniel is perpetually busy.  If it's not class, it's reading.  If it's not reading, it's writing papers.  If it's not writing papers, it's study group.  If it's not study group, it's worship team.  If it's not worship team, it's church responsibilities.  If it's not church responsibilities, it's outside musical gigs.  It does not leave a lot of time for anything else.  Sometimes family gets left behind.  I'm trying not to complain but I'm not always successful!  I have never been a meek and quiet woman.

I'm not so much afraid of our relationship - Daniel and I will survive and come out stronger than before (a ridiculous cliche, but true nonetheless.) I'm mostly afraid that he will miss "IT."  The day to day little things: Brynn discovering her toes; Aurelia playing with magnets in the playroom; Aurelia reading to Brynn and Brynn talking back; and the major day-to-day tantrums. I really wish he could see those in all their hour long glory.  He sees some of it, but oftentimes he is distracted. 

There are times that he's alone with the girls.  I work three days a week in the evening, so Daniel is in charge of entertainment, dinner and bedtime (he has his own ritual with Aurelia, including hair brushing, monkey sounds, and Llama Llama marathons.)  I know it's stressful for him during these times.  He semi-jokes that the girls prefer me to him.  At this point in their lives, they probably do.  I'm around most of the time. 

Don't mistake this complaint for ingratitude.  Daniel is an amazing father and provider.  He works very hard and has sacrificed a lot for our family.  But we are sacrificing a lot in return.   

I have been told by several people that it has been too long since the last posting, but I have been so busy.  I should really be writing a reflection of an article that I just finished reading, but I have had some thoughts that I felt like needed expressing, so here it goes.......


As alluded to in the title of this blog, the point is to reflect on how God is guiding this journey we call life.  Not only for me and my studies at the seminary, but for my whole family.  I have been struggling with being able to trust God's timing as of late.  I have so many questions as to why He has chosen this calling for me now.  As I reflect on the past, I know that it would have been much easier to go to seminary when I was still single, or at least newly married.  I have so many things that combat for my time and attention, and it is so hard to keep a balance.  Between my relationship with Emily, being a present father to Aurelia and Brynn, doing all the reading, writing, and class attending that I have, being a pastor of a fledgling program and a church that needs a lot of my efforts to keep in moving in, professional music gigs, and trying to find a moment or two to myself, I realized today that I have put on the back burner the one thing that should always be #1, my personal time with God.  I get plenty of time in the Bible, for class and church, but I am not spending the time that I really need to reflect and grow personally.
  
 Why did God wait 8 years to call me to this course?  I am not saying that my career as a school teacher was a waste of time or that I regret any of it, but I know that if I had gone directly from undergraduate studies (preferably in an area that would have better prepared me for where I am now) to seminary, I would be done now, and not brawling for every free minute to get the next task completed.  It is just hard to Trust that He knows best.  I have trusted Him to guide my paths to this point, but I guess a look back (in hind sight, of course) I see how I think He could have done a better job.  (Of course- I am not saying that His timing is not perfect in His own way)

Another difficulty in His timing, is that if I had come to seminary in 2004, I would have finished before Aurelia was born in 2010.  Now we have 2 children (and about 75% of the other seminarians also have families so it seems to be a trend) and every day I have a hard time knowing that He will provide financially for us.  Last Friday in my Old Testament survey class, I pointed the finger at the Hebrews who were in the wilderness wandering for not trusting that God would provide. "Over and over, we see the Hebrews complaining 'We have not food' and God gives them manna. 'We have not water' and out of a rock comes a stream of drinkable water.  'We are tired of manna. Can't we have some meat?' and the quail as far as the eye could see and 3 feet deep appear for the people, but yet they still said that it would have been better to be back in slavery in Egypt than to 'die' out in the wilderness.  DON'T THEY GET IT" I exclaimed.  While all the while I am thinking, where are we going to live, and God gave us a house on campus.  How are we going to eat and God provides WIC and SNAP benefits.  Will my dog ever get adopted from OHS, and today we found out that Rocco has a new home.  What will happen if one of my girls gets sick, and God provides OHP.  How am I going to sell my stupid house, and after being on the market for 36 hours, we had 3 offers.  How am I going to pay the $1151.80 auto mechanics bill for my stupid used car that I only bought for $1900, and God puts it on the heart of someone close to me pay every cent.  I am brought to tears with how He continues to provide, yet I still wish that I was in a more secure position.   WHY AM I SO BROKEN?

I find comfort in I Corinthians 2:11b "Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God"  I can have questions.  It is okay, I am only human, but I will still try to have faith, that is after all the true meaning of faith, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.(Hebrews 11:1)

The semester is 3 days from being 1/3 over.  I have finished several of the 13 books I had to read.  Turned in several of the 29 papers I had to write.  I have my first big exam on Monday (Christian Theology) and so far, of all the work I have had returned to me graded, the lowest grade has been 75/80!!  I am hanging in there, keeping going one day at a time.  I am thankful for the support and prayers of my friends and family.  I am most thankful for my wife.  She really is a "bulwark never failing" to borrow from Martin Luther.  I am so grateful for her love and attention.

I will continue to keep you posted.

DAB 9-25-2012 11:31PM

Heading into week three

Well, we survived week 2 and as we push into week three, I realize that things are beginning to come due in a hurry.  I have 2 papers that are due on Wednesday and Friday respectively, and as of next week, several of the books that I have to read should be finished (I am on task to finish several, but I really need to get going on a couple.)  I really need to start getting up earlier and use some time in the mornings to get work done, but laying in bed with my family and rushing to class is much more my current style. (Having the seminary building a 4 minute walk from my back door has its advantages and disadvantages.)  I am excited about our youth program starting back up at church this Wednesday, but it is more work that I have to keep on top of.  Thank goodness for Google Calendar, because without it, I don't think I would remember anything that I had to do.

I had an interesting discovery today.  I was singing with Cappella Romana, one of my favorite groups that I sing with, at the Middle Eastern Festival today (St. George Antiochian Orthodox Church), and I noticed that one of my professors was in the audience. After our performance I approached him to say hello, and I found out that he is member of the Orthodox church.  I thought that was different, seeing as he is a professor at an Evangelical Seminary, but it didn't bother me in the slightest.  I actually hold the Orthodox church with great respect.  I love their music and sense of tradition as well as the way that they are hospitable to everyone.  I also ran across the woman who lives in the town house directly across from us.  She revealed that she and her husband also called St. George their home church and that the were becoming Orthodox members very soon.  She said it in sort of hushed tones, like she didn't want it to get out, but who really cares.  Are evangelicals so rigid that they cannot even accept the teachings of the "Original Church?"

I have to be honest.  I am not even sure that I am an "evangelical" with a capital E.  I grew up in that church, and serve as a Pastor in one, but I am not sure that I like the stigma that comes with being an evangelical.  I love God, and accept that Jesus took my place on the cross, but every time you hear about some Christian religious wacko in the news, they are fundamentalist evangelical Christians saying and doing things that embarrass me (Westboro Baptist Church, I am looking at you) and making Christians look like a group of people who are hateful and bigoted. To quote Dr. Metzger (again, and it won't be the last time) we need to foster a sense of HOSPITALITY and not HOSTILITY.  We need to meet people where they are, to show them the way to Christ, not scream at them until they throw a FROSTY in your face.

As a young person, I spent a lot of time protesting abortion.  That is what my Dad was into, and that is what we would do on a Saturday morning.  Take some signs down to the clinic and make our presence known.  There were often times where people would scream at us, and sometimes people who were with us would scream back.  I remember those times always made me feel uncomfortable (as a 8-13 year old.)  There would also usually be a group of Catholics who would protest with us, but they didn't have any signs, and they didn't scream at anyone.  They would just stand in a circle and pray the rosary.  That stuck with me too.  They weren't militant, or even drawing attention to themselves.  They would just pray for God to work in the hearts of women who went into the clinics.  In the end, I am not sure who did more "good," but now I think that the Catholics may have modeled what it means to be a Christ follower better than we "evangelicals" did.

Sunday Family Dinner - take 1

I have this grand notion that since we are no longer a TV watching, or even a TV possessing, family that perhaps we should do something familial.  Something considered fairly old school by today's standards.

Imagine a Norman Rockwell painting...Burnett style

It is exceedingly difficult to plan a family dinner when:
1. You can't find any food except dried beans and a bit of onion;
2. The 'active' yeast you try to use for your domestic goddess style french bread recipe is not, in fact, active and;
3. You can't actually see your dining room table

So Sunday Family dinner - take 1
Recipes: US Senate Soup, Homemade Quick Rise French Bread
Attendees: Daniel, Myself, Aurelia, Brynn, Diane Burnett

Verdict: Soup was incredibly bland, but let's be honest, there's only so many things you can do with WIC dried beans. 

French bread dreams foiled by non-active yeast - utter fail.  Daniel and Diane made a valiant attempt to tell me that it wasn't that bad, but it really was.

  Conversation interesting.  How can there be anything but interesting conversation with this around?



 

-PW