I have been told by several people that it has been too long since the last posting, but I have been so busy.  I should really be writing a reflection of an article that I just finished reading, but I have had some thoughts that I felt like needed expressing, so here it goes.......


As alluded to in the title of this blog, the point is to reflect on how God is guiding this journey we call life.  Not only for me and my studies at the seminary, but for my whole family.  I have been struggling with being able to trust God's timing as of late.  I have so many questions as to why He has chosen this calling for me now.  As I reflect on the past, I know that it would have been much easier to go to seminary when I was still single, or at least newly married.  I have so many things that combat for my time and attention, and it is so hard to keep a balance.  Between my relationship with Emily, being a present father to Aurelia and Brynn, doing all the reading, writing, and class attending that I have, being a pastor of a fledgling program and a church that needs a lot of my efforts to keep in moving in, professional music gigs, and trying to find a moment or two to myself, I realized today that I have put on the back burner the one thing that should always be #1, my personal time with God.  I get plenty of time in the Bible, for class and church, but I am not spending the time that I really need to reflect and grow personally.
  
 Why did God wait 8 years to call me to this course?  I am not saying that my career as a school teacher was a waste of time or that I regret any of it, but I know that if I had gone directly from undergraduate studies (preferably in an area that would have better prepared me for where I am now) to seminary, I would be done now, and not brawling for every free minute to get the next task completed.  It is just hard to Trust that He knows best.  I have trusted Him to guide my paths to this point, but I guess a look back (in hind sight, of course) I see how I think He could have done a better job.  (Of course- I am not saying that His timing is not perfect in His own way)

Another difficulty in His timing, is that if I had come to seminary in 2004, I would have finished before Aurelia was born in 2010.  Now we have 2 children (and about 75% of the other seminarians also have families so it seems to be a trend) and every day I have a hard time knowing that He will provide financially for us.  Last Friday in my Old Testament survey class, I pointed the finger at the Hebrews who were in the wilderness wandering for not trusting that God would provide. "Over and over, we see the Hebrews complaining 'We have not food' and God gives them manna. 'We have not water' and out of a rock comes a stream of drinkable water.  'We are tired of manna. Can't we have some meat?' and the quail as far as the eye could see and 3 feet deep appear for the people, but yet they still said that it would have been better to be back in slavery in Egypt than to 'die' out in the wilderness.  DON'T THEY GET IT" I exclaimed.  While all the while I am thinking, where are we going to live, and God gave us a house on campus.  How are we going to eat and God provides WIC and SNAP benefits.  Will my dog ever get adopted from OHS, and today we found out that Rocco has a new home.  What will happen if one of my girls gets sick, and God provides OHP.  How am I going to sell my stupid house, and after being on the market for 36 hours, we had 3 offers.  How am I going to pay the $1151.80 auto mechanics bill for my stupid used car that I only bought for $1900, and God puts it on the heart of someone close to me pay every cent.  I am brought to tears with how He continues to provide, yet I still wish that I was in a more secure position.   WHY AM I SO BROKEN?

I find comfort in I Corinthians 2:11b "Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God"  I can have questions.  It is okay, I am only human, but I will still try to have faith, that is after all the true meaning of faith, being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.(Hebrews 11:1)

The semester is 3 days from being 1/3 over.  I have finished several of the 13 books I had to read.  Turned in several of the 29 papers I had to write.  I have my first big exam on Monday (Christian Theology) and so far, of all the work I have had returned to me graded, the lowest grade has been 75/80!!  I am hanging in there, keeping going one day at a time.  I am thankful for the support and prayers of my friends and family.  I am most thankful for my wife.  She really is a "bulwark never failing" to borrow from Martin Luther.  I am so grateful for her love and attention.

I will continue to keep you posted.

DAB 9-25-2012 11:31PM